One movie I guess I won't be seeing

Leave it to Utah to decide for me that I do not want to be morally corrupted. One of the larger movie theater chains in the state has apparently banned the movie "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" from its screens. You can read the story here if you so desire. Following lead, many other movie theaters are also not showing the movie and some TV stations won't advertise it. I find this pretty ridiculous how the movie is not a porno, doesn't show a porno, and is apparently void of any pornographic material. The rationale was the movie was very close to receiving an NC-17 rating. It did not, it is, in fact, rated R- a perfectly respectable film rating. I have been watching R rated movies since I was 10- I haven't turned into a pyschopath, a sex fiend, or a drug adict.

I guess during the showing of High School Musical 3- a neatly packaged, G rated, Disney movie- some movie theater worker guy reeled up the wrong movie and subjected the audience of children to the movie "Sex Drive" for a few minutes. Since then everyone has been in a moral tizzy. Well:

Dear Utah,
The laziness/stupidty/mistake of one theater working high school student is not my fault. Are you meaning to tell me that none of the adults in the room thought something was wrong when the previews were for other R rated movies instead of sugar pop, Disney ones? Maybe the parents of said HSM3 viewing children should have been more aware to the fact that, right before the movie began, a rating flashed on the screen saying the following movie is rated R please remove your impressionable, young children from the theater.

It is really my choice as to what movies I want to watch- whether it be a cute little Disney flick or a movie about two roommates making a porno- yeah, up to me to decide- I am a grownup, thanks! Here is a thought, if you don't want the young and impressionable to wonder into an R rated movie- look at their IDs when they buy the tickets. Not too difficult, I used to do it all the time. Or even better, show the morally lacking films later in the evening when said young and impressionable should be snuggled nicely into their little, sheltered beds.

Isn't it enough that the Salt Lake City NBC station will not carry Saturday Night Live? I guess TV-14 is too scandalous for late night television. I mean, you carry all those daytime soaps. But then again, I guess daytime soaps fall under the realm of fiction. Once again, I am a grownup and I am fully capable of choosing my own television programs. You really must think people in this state are dumb if you think one little late night show is going to indoctrinate them with crazy ideas.

And while we are at it, was it really necessary to ban Mike's Hard Lemonade? Does it really look that much like Sprite? Is the under 21 crowd in Utah that stupid? Can parents not tell the difference? Do they mistakenly give their kids Malt Liquor instead of juice? Again- not my fault. Please do not punish my tailgate party due to the stupidity of others. I mean, I guess I could border jump to Idaho for all my tailgate needs. But then again, I am rarely in the mood for getting arrested for rum running- which I hear you do often.

On the other hand- maybe I should thank you, morally decent Utah, for saving my mind from corruption. Good luck repairing it from the last 27 years.

Sincerely Yours,
The Apparently Morally Deficient

Guess I Didn't Think That One Through

It really doesn't seem right that the most decorated rooms in our house are areas used mostly by other people. I get why I started with the bathrooms- they are so much smaller and easier than all the other rooms- but I still don't understand how the guest bedroom ended up with nicer bedding than the master. Hopefully, that problem will be remedied by the end of the year (although the most beautious of all the beddings is no longer on sale for the "lowest price of the season" causing the price to almost double). I wish we had Marshall's as they often have the aforementioned beautious bedding for a fraction of the cost.

Anyway, several weeks ago I did make the trek to Salt Lake and I did buy lovely, lovely things for the guest bedroom. The bedding below is from Linens and Things. I almost through a hissy fit when I found out they were, in fact, closing all the remaining stores but remained calm after I found out this comforter set was not on sale. The little brown pillow in the middle is from TJ Maxx. I still need something for over the bed, aside from the awful mirrored headboard. I have something in mind- it is just a matter of finding something that matches the picture.

Here is the dresser. Ignore the fact that it is white and gold and shiny and horrible. It also has a shiny mirror that goes above it which I have banished to the closet. I will be looking for something more suitable to go on this wall as well.

Here is an up-close of the candles on the side of the dresser. I placed some brochures on the other side so people could see what there is to do in these parts when they are visiting. I got the candles and stands at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and the plate and orbs at this store called Tai Pan Trading which is quite possibly the Mecca of well priced decorations.

The guestroom also sports a wardrobe and bedside table that match the shiny dresser. I am trying to decide what, if anything I can go to remedy the shininess- or at least if I am capable enough to make a headboard that isn't a mirror. Until then, I will just keep reminding myself that the shiny furniture was free.

So there is your first look into our house, my fives and fives of readers. I really didn't think it through very well but at least now people will have a nice place to live when they come visit. So I think they all should come visit...

The (Almost) Ace of Cakes

There are a lot of things in life I think I can do fairly well. There are other things in life that I get extremely overzealous about- making cakes is one of these things. I am usually pretty good at it...although the cake in life never truly matches the cake in my head, they usually end up tasting pretty good and I guess, in the end, that is all that matters. With this in mind, let's take a tour of some of the cakes I have overzealously attempted.

This is Dr. HokieKev's favorite. I make it at Thanksgiving. I don't know why I picked Thanksgiving because it doesn't really have that "I just got off the Mayflower and made friends with the natives" kind of feel, but nevertheless, it is a Thanksgiving cake. It is also a Flourless Chocolate Cake- AKA The Densest Thing Ever. I only make it at Thanksgiving because it takes forever and is completely from scratch. I have been asked on several occasions where I bought it. Please ignore the fact that it is slightly unbalanced. Flourless cakes don't bake evenly.

I also attempted this cake last Thanksgiving. Too bad I forgot that Mousse had to congeal overnight. I almost cried when I had to throw it away. What a waste of Nutella that was...


I made this cake last year at Christmas. Red Velvet with Homemade Cream Cheese Frosting. It was delish and screamed CHRISTMAS!


This one was made for the SuperBowl. It took FOREVER to stencil on that Patriots guy. The cake was good. The Patriots lost. I was picking sprinkles off the floor for days.

I went a little overboard with the pink frosting flowers on this one. Nevertheless, once the real live flowers were removed, it tasted great.


And now to the latest creation- I made this golf cake for Mike's birthday. The top looks great- the sides, not so much. I guess you have to be REALLY careful with the consistency of homemade frosting. I will take comments on what the brown "hole" is. Kevin's mom thought it was the reason that I thought the cake looked bad....

In reality, the reason the cake was a disaster was because the third layer kept slipping and sliding on its chocolate fudge frosting. I ended up having to cut around the sides to make it even. Then the green icing decided it wanted to play slip and slide too. Oh well, taste great! And, after 5 days, I managed to get the green out of the icing tools, the counter tops, my fingers, my tshirt, the floor...well, you get the idea!

I do wish someone would remind me the next time I go to bake a cake that I am not, in fact, the Ace of Cakes, and should maybe just stick to two layers. But, then again, I probably won't listen...

And the winner is....

Joe the Plumber!

If you watched the debate last night, you were sure to get an earful of "Joe the Plumber." All in all, he was mentioned over two dozen times by both McCain and Obama. So who, you may wonder, is this "Joe the Plumber?" Apparently, he is real, his name is Joe Wurzelbacher, and he is a plumber. Some stats:

• 34 year old male
• Resident of Holland, Ohio
• Works for Newell Plumbing and Heating Co.
• Registered to vote as Samuel Joseph Worzelbacher- which is wrong
• Plays football in the front yard with his son

I wonder if he is related to "Joe Six Pack." I am thinking cousins...in any case, I know that both of them are just like me.

In news unrelated to "Joe," McCain opened the debate by giving a shout out to Nancy Reagan. She fell the other day and fractured her pelvis. She is also homies with John McCain. The pundits gave him a point for that one. Roland Martin, in fact, was playing fast and loose with the points last night. He gave 50+ positive points to Obama alone. David Gergen, on the other hand, fell asleep after the first five minutes. John King was busy downloading more iTunes.

McCain went as far as telling America that nobody likes taxes so "Let's not raise anybody's taxes, Ok?" That's cool. I don't know anybody that likes taxes either. But I do know people who like things like funding for education and roads and other such necessary programs. I want to know where McCain is going to get the money to fund programs without raising taxes or at least keeping them the same. Seriously Johnny Boy, where are you going to come up with this money for these so-called helpful programs if you stop taxing people? Oh, Oh, I know, I know- we can just print more paper or borrow it from China! Yeah, China loves to loan us money. Once again I will say that it is a really good thing we have a strong military so that China doesn't hop over the ocean and try to take their money back.

I mean, we already have a $455 BILLION deficit- that is expected to be over $1 TRILLION next year- so why not add a few more billion, no one will notice. McCain does think he can balance the budget in four years. He was all like, "What, like it's hard?" (to quote Legally Blonde 2). He plans to do this while ending dependence on Middle Eastern and Venezuelan oil and unleashing plans to fix the economy and capture Osama Bin Laden all in his first term. Canadian oil is apparently ok- I think becasue the Canadians don't hate us. Obama never got a chance to answer the budget balancing question but he does take a more realistic approach on ending American dependency on foriegn oil as he thinks it will probably take ten years.

The healthcare issue is a debacle. Both plans are weird and probably won't work. McCain said he was a federalist and believes that decisions on alot of stuff should be left up to the states. Maybe he should write some new Federalist Papers to try to convince people of his views- hey, it worked before. Obama is apparently pro-abortion. I'm sorry but pro-choice does not equal pro-abortion. Once again, I don't know anyone who wakes up in the morning thinking-hey, let's go kill some babies today. McCain thinks judges should be confirmed based on qualifications not political leanings. Last I checked, judges weren't supposed to have political leanings. My dad isn't even allowed to put a school board candidates sign in the front yard. Obama is guilty by association- didn't you know he hangs out with shady people, or at least people who did shady things when he was 8. McCain had an angry moment. Obama did his best not to laugh at times- even when John McCain was going on and on about how proud he was of Sarah Palin... you would have thought she was his child or something.

Obama managed to not say one negative thing about Sarah Palin though. Even when asked directly if he thought she is qualified to be President. McCain referenced Biden wanting to split Iraq into three countries when answering the same question. I think McCain needs a world history lesson. Iraq (and most of the Middle Eastern countries) is only a country because after WWII, the US and its Allies said it world be. The ethnic groups hate each other and always have. Hey, I have a novel idea- why don't we let the people of Iraq decide how many countries they want to be? That might just work.

McCain also wants to start or expand some Troops to Teachers program where members of the military could be teachers without completing certification or state testing requirements. Ugh...that can be another story for another day. Now I must go home and hope that the cake I baked last night somewhat resembles what I left it as.

"The Straight Talk Express Lost a Wheel on That One"

With Sarah Palin back in Alaska keeping an eye on the Russians, John McCain once again took on opponent Barack Obama in a lovely debate. This one town hall meeting style- because apparently John McCain does well at town hall meetings. So anyway, after 45 minutes of rules- most of which were broken in the first five minutes of the actual debate- Tom Brokaw got the questioning underway. So, here are the top 10 things I learned from watching the second Presidential Debate- in no particular order of course.

1. AIG took their top earners on a $400,000 spa retreat- a week after being bailed out by the government. Maybe Dr. HokieKev and I should have bought that half million dollar house we couldn't afford four years ago so we could get bailed out too.
Dear AIG, I WANT MY MONEYBACK! kthxbai

2. We owe China a lot of money. A REALLY lot of money. Good thing we have a strong military so that China won't hop over the ocean and attack us to get their money back.

3. At least McCain and Obama agree on one thing- Warren Buffet is a smart dude. Maybe he should run for President. He MADE money this year. Even Bill Gates lost money.

4. Nailing down Obama's tax proposals apparently equals trying to nail Jello to a wall. I have never tried nailing Jello to the wall but I suppose epoxy may work better. In any case, maybe we should call off the election and let the two candidates Jello wrestle for the title. Fully clothed, of course.

5. John McCain has secret plans to fix the economy and capture Osama Bin Laden. He looks to Teddy Roosevelt as his hero, yet cannot accurately quote possibly the most famous thing he ever said. It is "SPEAK softly, but carry a big stick." Not walk softly, not talk softly. McCain also says "my friends" alot.

6. We have two new foreign policy doctrines to put on the AP Test- seriously, I think that is the only place foreign policy doctrines show up. The short versions- Obama Doctrine: It may not always be a national security issue, but moral issues will be at stake. The US can't do it all so they have to work with Allies in these situtations. McCain Doctrine: The only good is the US and the US should help when beneficial. I bet France is happy to know it is not good.

7. British military commander Sherard Cowper-Coles says there needs to be an "acceptable dictator" in Afghanistan. Wasn't Saddam Hussein the "acceptable dictator" in Iraq? Yeah, we see how well that turned out.

8. Neither candidate can answer a simple yes or no question. Case in point:
Brokaw: This requires only a yes or no. Ronald Reagan famously said that
the Soviet Union was the evil empire. Do you think Russia under
Vladmir Putin is an evil empire?
Obama: I think they have engaged in an evil behavior...(they) still have
nationalist impulses that are dangerous.
McCain: Maybe.
Last time I check, neither of these answers were yes or no. Guess it is a good thing Sarah Palin is on Russia Watch 2008.

9. According to John McCain, we should have stayed in Afghanistan longer in 1980 after we helped the Afghans get the Russians out. Had we stayed the Taliban wouldn't have resurfaced. I mean, its not like we gave the Taliban the guns to fight the Russians. (By the way, we did give the Taliban the guns to fight the Russians. We also gave them tanks and missiles.)

10. In order to energy independent withint 10 years, we need to have a JFK like attitude and just do it. I would like to remind both candidates that when JFK said we would be going to the moon in ten years, he backed it up with federally funded education programs in math and science. There were contests and prizes and lots of money being spent on research and development. If you want to be energy independent you really should think about funding programs that will make people want to go into the field. And that probably means raising taxes.

Just for good measure, let's add a couple more things learned.
11. "that one" is apparently a racist remark. I think it was just an old guy looking down on a young guy. Obama could have been purple and McCain would have said the same thing. Or maybe it was a senior moment.

12. Asking the American people to allow the government to cut certain programs as a way to sacrifice in a time of war is indeed asking them to make a sacrifice. After 9/11, good ole' G.W. asked the American people to go shopping. Spending money on consumer good is not quite the same sacrifice as when, during WWII, the government asked people to give up things like...oh I don't know...butter, sugar, and meat.

So, there is what I learned from the second Presidential Debate. Life lessons, all of them.

The Quest for Clouds

So Friday night after my burrito and champagne dinner (no, they don't go together and no, I don't care), I vowed to awaken early and start the long drive to Salt Lake City around 9. Yeah, that didn't happen. I was awoken by a phone call at 9:30. It was cold. It was raining. I decided to trek down there anyway, as Dr. HokieKev was in Vegas and I was operating under the premise that at least my stimulation of the economy would lead to tangible goods instead of hours of entertainment dumping money into the casino industry. So off I went...a few hours late. It rained almost the whole way down. It was dark. People were idiots. And then, out of nowhere, a shining beacon of light emerged at the crest of the highway. A beacon so bright that I had to call Dr. Hokiekev, who was by now engrossed in a poker game somewhere, with the news of the wonder that had been brought to Utah. What, you may ask, could illicit such a reaction on this cold, wet, morning afternoon? Well, over the crest of the highway, I saw a billboard for this restaurant.

It was wonderful. If you have never been there- go, fast. They aren't everywhere but there are a TON in VA as the company started in Alexandria or Arlington or one of those other fancy Northern Virginia towns. Seriously, they have the best burgers ever and handcut Idaho fries. The lines are long but it is so totally worth it.

After my fantastic lunch, I set out to find some things to decorate my house. First on the list was a new bed set for the guest bedroom. I bought this in rust.
I also spent the better part of an hour looking at several different bedding options for my own bed. I had a list. I found each item on said list. They all felt scratchy. I already have a scratchy comforter. This is why you can't buy bedding online. So anyway, I bought the guest bedding and went along my merry way. Later in the day, I picked up some fancy brown sheets and a brown decorative pillow to go with the fancy bedding set. It is beautiful. It is also sad that the guest room bedding is much nicer than the bedding in our bedroom. For now anyways.

In an effort to remedy this, I have spent the better part of the morning looking for bedding online. I found this one at Linens and Things. I didn't feel it this weekend. It says it is 300 thread count. It probably isn't. Linens and Things lies. But it is pretty.
I really want this bedding. It is from Restoration Hardware and costs way more than any bedding should. It is from the Italian Framed Satin Collection.

Or this one...also Restoration Hardware. Also equaling the GDP of a small country. This one is from the Italian Tonal Piped Collection. I can't decide which one I like the best and have been coveting both for a very long while but just can't bring myself to spend over $800 on bedding.


I decided that I wasn't ready to stimulate the economy that much quite yet so I kept looking. I found this gem. I can't remember where it was from or what it was called. For this reason, I really, really like it. (edit: I remembered...JCPenny)


Then I hit up the hotel:collection at Macy's. That is the goal. I want my bed to feel like the cloud bed at the Ritz Carleton. I found two. The first is the Glacier bedding. The second is Tri Colorblock. Both are on sale. I think out of all of them, this last one is my favorite. It looks like it could be in a hotel. I tried to reach through the computer screen to feel it but that didn't work. Macy's lies less about their thread counts, so I am trusting it isn't scratchy. Problem is, by the time you add the comforter, the bed skirt, two Euro shams, two quilted king shams, and the neckroll pillow it totals up to over $500 bucks- even at the "Lowest Price of the Season". Once again, the GDP of a small country. But I guess you get what you pay for...

Are You Smarter Than a High School Junior: Constitution Edition

In order to educate the masses and provide future reference, I feel compelled to tell the world that the Constitution gives hardly any power whatsoever to the Vice President of the United States. Dude has two jobs: 1) Serve as President of the Senate and break any ties and 2) inquire daily as to the health of the President. That is it. No real executive power whatsoever. No real legislative power either. Other than breaking ties and The State of the Union, the Vice President rarely graces the floor of the Senate. That is what the President Pro Tempore of the Senate is for. It used to be Strom Thurmond, but he was old- and died. The current one is Robert Byrd. He is 90 and used to be a member of the Ku Klux Klan. He gave a wonderful speech on dogfighting.

So contrary to what the hockeymom would have you believe, the Vice President has no real legislative role at all. They don't get to make laws. Maybe she should have read a high school government book before the debate last night. Seriously. I guess, if you want to get technical, the Vice President can preside over the Senate everyday- and maybe that was the original intent- but that is not what happens in real life. It is kinda like being the Congressional delegate from Guam...you can show up, you can talk for three days, but in the end you don't get to vote.

So there is your civics lesson for today. In addition, the President of Iran's last name is Ahmadinejad- say it with me, AH-MA-DIN-NA-JAD. THERE IS NO K!