Life Lesson #3974- The Peanut Butter Will Not Kill You

I like Peter Pan peanut butter- it is pretty much the only peanut butter that I like. Skippy is gross and JIF will not do. But once again, my peanut butter has been yanked from the shelves due to a supposed poisoning. Some of us remember this unfortunate incident:
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October 7, 2007
I really miss Peter Pan peanut butter :-( For those of you that do not remember, it was recalled in February after an unfortunate incident with a leaky sprinkler and an outbreak of salmonella. Shortly thereafter, they pulled the creamy goodness that was Peter Pan peanut butter from grocery store shelves all over the country. I, like many others, rushed to my pantry to determine whether or not I had any potentially deadly peanut butter and, much to my dismay, discovered that I did. Well, the entire process to claim my three dollar refund seemed way too time consuming at the time and, since I was only losing out on about three bucks, I decided I would just throw it away.....eventually. Well, eventually never came. And then one day.......the rice cakes came calling.....”top me with peanut buttery goodness.” So, now I had a decision to make- eat the diseased peanut butter and risk a horrible stomach ache from salmonella or let my butter popcorn rice cakes go naked. I guess I could have gone to the store and bought some new, non diseased peanut butter but that would mean potentially getting dressed and venturing into the night (this could have been an afternoon episode but it was months ago and I do not remember). Salmonella/Instant Gratification....hmmmm......Instant Gratification!!! So, I ate the peanut butter....in fact, I ate two whole jars of the peanut butter! (Not at the same time, but eventually) I half expected to be making a midnight run to the emergency room to have my stomach pumped, but that didn't happen. In fact, I was fine but little did I know that would be the last Peter Pan peanut butter I would eat, possibly forever :-( For the last seven months I have had to live with second rate peanut butter on my rice cakes. All I have to say is....choosy moms should never choose JIF. It is HORRIBLE!!! I would rather take my chances with salmonella! So, I did the only thing I could think of, I wikipediaed Peter Pan....because we all know that if it is on wikipedia then it MUST be true....and was very happy to see it would be returning in August to a grocery store near me. Well....its October and still no sign of the stuff.

Dear whoever makes Peter Pan peanut butter,
Please give me back my peanut butter with the androgynous little sprite on the front. I miss it and Skippy and JIF are just not the same. I promise I will not sue you if I get salmonella.

Thanks!

Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I would never feed diseased peanut butter to my children. Had I had any, I would have bought them fresh, new, choosy moms peanut butter free of salmonella, e. coli, mad cow, smallpox, scurvy, cholera, and dysentery. But I was pretty confident my immune system could handle it.
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My distress ended when my friend Mona overnighted me some delicious Peter Pan peanut butter thus preventing me from having to stomach the nonsense that is JIF. And then we moved to Utah and apparently they hadn't yet gotten the memo that peanut butter was off the FDA's "Foods That Will Kill You" list and I once again had trouble finding my brand. After about a month of living here, I finally found some at Target of all places. Eventually, it filtered back to the grocery stores and my rice cakes had a cromulent (Wikipedia=true, remember?) companion, until now- damn salmonella. I guess I will have to make another trip to the closest Target- 30 minutes away- and hope they have not yet gotten the memo that Reduced Fat Creamy Peter Pan Peanut Butter is once again deadly!