To Keep My Feet Warm...

I must procure these boots.



I honestly don't care how ugly you think they are. I love them and they will keep my feet warm! That is all.

Get Up Outta My Grill

Maybe all places are a little strange and I am just starting to notice it more or maybe Utah is just a weird place. And this is aside from the fact that they have outlawed malted girlie beverages for looking too much like Sprite. Seriously, if your kid is going to get drunk, they are going to get drunk and it doesn't matter whether or not the product looks like Sprite. But anyway...

I have notice int he last few months that they people here like to be very close. I guess it makes since with all the procreating they do out here that they like to be close because, after all, in order to procreate you must get pretty close and that is fine...get close with your spouse. Get close with your friends. Get close with people you are acquainted with. But please, for the love of Pete, stop trying to get close with me. I don't know you- get out of my grill.

You all know the type of people I am talking about- the ones that stand so close to you when they talk that you can see the remnants of their last meal. It is very annoying. Personal space please! When it comes to the close talker, you can at least take a step back in most normal circumstances. But the close line stander is a whole different story. Lately, I have noticed that people out here like to get thisclose when standing in line. I mean, it is one thing if you are in a crowded amusement park or trying to watch the 4th of July fireworks in Boston but it is an entirely different thing to get all up in my business when standing in line at Kohls. When you are standing in line, there is nowhere to go. You can't step forward or you will be too close to the person in front of you. You can't step backwards or you will be even closer to the space encroacher. You can't step sideways or you will be out of line. It is a lose lose situation and you are stuck standing there with Mr. Space Encroacher moving in.

Maybe it is just me but I really don't like the feeling of some stranger breathing down my neck when I am trying to purchase fine home furnishings at a discounted price. So please, Mr. Space Encroacher, take a couple steps back.

Flashback to the HPT

Dear Kid in Beat Up Honda Prelude,

You may think you are cool pulling up next to girls at stop lights in your beat up old Honda Prelude with your shiny, spinny rims and revving the engine and beeping our horn but in reality you look like an idiot that spent more money on his rims than on his actual car. Seriously, they stopped making Honda Preludes in 2001. A Wikipedia search discovered that yours probably originated somewhere between 1983 and 1987. That means you probably weren't even born when your car was made. How do I know this- well, Wikipedia told me so and we all know that if it is on Wikipedia, it must be true. Besides, your car had that whole boxy thing that was so popular in the 80s going on. I mean, you could maybe sell the thing for $1500- if you are lucky. That is actually being pretty generous considering Kelly Blue Book doesn't even value cars from 1987. The rims alone probably cost you $1000- and that is being conservative. Never mind the super cool racing stripe you had painted down the side. In all actuality, those rims could have cost you way more. I know, I am from the HPT- people rice out Geo Metros...talk about a waste of money. I have seen these POS cars blinged out beyond recognition. Trust me, they don't look cool and neither do you. Your money would have been better spent adopting one of those TV kids who is in need of shoes and toothpaste.

Sincerely,
The Girl Stopped Next to You Who Doesn't Care How Much Your Rims Were

Are you Smarter than a High School Junior?

Sarah Palin isn't. All I am saying is that my high school kids knew what the Bush Doctrine was. They also knew the Monroe Doctrine and its equally as famous Roosevelt Corollary. On a good day, they may have been able to tell you the Truman and Eisenhower Doctrines.

Sure, high school juniors know alot about history that the average person may not know- especially the ones taking the AP classes. But I wouldn't exactly call someone who hopes to be the next VP of the USA an average person. I certainly don't expect her to know every foreign policy doctrine throughout history (although I probably should), but I do expect her to know the current administrations view...especially when it is her freaking party in power. SHEESH! I also expect her to pick it up quickly when Charlie Gibson does everything he can to bail her out even though I am sure she was FULLY prepped on the questions. Its not like her "people" weren't made well aware of the questions BEFORE the interview began. UGH!

To be fair, maybe they should ask Biden the same question. Even if he doesn't know the answer, I am sure he would do a better job of faking it. Just sayin'.

Life Lesson #546- Lipsticked Pigs

So the word on the street is you can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig. Makes since to me but apparently it has certain peoples' panties in a bunch. So, I decided to to try it out for myself and since I am pig-less here in Utah, I did it the newfangled way- I used Google! Here it goes...

Step 1: Find Pig



Step 2: Find Lipstick. A nice shade of red I think- it will show up the best.

Step 3: Apply lipstick to pig. This could get a little difficult in real life so I wouldn't try it at home. Google Images, however, do not fight back.



Step 4: Analyze results. Let's see....curly tail, check. Snout, check. Hoofs, check. Still looks like a pig to me. A prettier pig, but a pig nonetheless. Maybe if I add some pearls, a dress, and J-Lo sunglasses....



Nope....still a pig.

A (few) days late, hopefully not a dollar short!

So, I am a little late with my RNC wrapup. I guess I just wasn't paying as much attention. I kind of tuned out after the 15th time they mentioned that John McCain was a war hero. Really...I didn't know that. Thanks to Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Cindy McCain, Rudy Guiliani, Laura Bush, Sarah Palin, Joe Leiberman, and scores of others, I now do. It seriously could have been a drinking game. I also think they mentioned that the Republican party was the party of Lincoln a million times. If I heard it once more I was going to jump through the TV and throttle someone. Today's Republicans are not the same Republicans that Republicans were in the 1860s. Seriously...those Republicans were for things like, oh I don't know, Civil Rights. I guess you could equate the whole Patriot Act/suspension of Habeas Corpus during the Civil War things...but still. It just kind of seems funny that the entire party was founded on Civil Rights and thats not so much what they are for now (again, something you would know if you had me as a history teacher).

Other than that, some of the speeches were downright mean. Not politically mean...just mean in general. Half the stuff that Guiliani said was just hateful. And wonder VP candidate Sarah Palin- was it just me, or did she miss the boat. Seriously, to hear CNN (and every other media source) tell it, she hit a "home run." Really? Was I asleep? Did I temporarily go deaf? Yes, she read a well written speech off of a teleprompter. And, yes, I know every other politician does the same thing. But I really don't think she said much. Specifics please! She did read it well...no surprise since she used to be a sportscaster... but I have heard high school kids do the same thing. In fact, I have heard high school kids give better speeches that they wrote themselves without the aid of a teleprompter. I think the "liberal" media was just trying to kiss ass so the Republicans would stop talking about them. Huckabee did pretty well though- there must be something in the water in that "little town called Hope." As you should recall, Bill Clinton grew up there too. Although, if Huckabee is ever anywhere close tot he White House, I am moving to Australia.

As a sidenote, this is what Laura Bush and Cindy McCain wore one night. Assuming all the jewelry was real, Mrs. McCain's outfit is estimated to have cost over $300,000. Mrs. Bush's- around $4,000. And no, I didn't hit the zero key one too many times.

I mean, I know Cindy McCain owns beer and all, but $300,000- that is more than my house cost. In fact, that is more than most people's house cost. I just find it a bit hypocritical that the Republicans spent a week trying to appeal to Middle America and they parade their First Lady candidate around in something almost no one in Middle America could afford. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is wearing clothes off the rack from stores in the mall that normal people can shop at. Just sayin'!

So back to the speeches. John McCain's was boring. And if you didn't notice, the wrong graphic was projected on the screen behind him. It was supposed to be Walter Reed Medical Center but instead was Walter Reed Middle School. Google FAIL! He didn't offer many specifics either but he did remind us all that he was, in fact, a POW. (Take a shot) I don't fault him for that, I get it, it's important, however- you aren't qualified to be President simply because you spent five years in a tiger box. So, tell me what you will do in the future please...k thanks! The balloon drop at the end was pretty spectacular though. And Palin's youngest daughter is super cute on camera, McCain should keep her around to rival the cuteness of the Obama kids. Hopefully, she can manage to stay out of trouble~ unlike her two oldest siblings, but that is neither her nor there. Nor is it hear or there that the religious right (aka the conservative conservatives) are in love with the fact that Palin's 17 year old knocked up daughter is keeping the baby. Had the same thing happened to the Democrats, all hell would have broken loose- and the religious right can make that happen. I also wonder if the babydaddy would have been flown to St. Paul had he not looked like he stepped out of a J. Crew catalog. But like I said, neither here nor there.

I guess all these speeches helped though because "Maverick and the MILF" are ahead in the polls. It seems to be coming down to middle aged white women. Please let me reiterate- if you are voting for McCain just because he picked a woman as his running mate- THAT IS NOT A GOOD REASON. If you like the politics- fine- but to vote for someone just because of their anatomical parts is ridiculous. Because like someone else sorta said "You can put lipstick on a [Republican] but its still a [Republican]!"

Really? Seriously? Who?

I am wondering if John McCain seriously wants to be President. Seriously, the Gov. of Alaska? Really? Dr. HokieKev and I had the following conversation Friday morning:

Dr. HokieKev: Guess who McCain picked?
Me: Mitt Romney- duh!
Dr. HokieKev: Nope. Guess again.
Me: Leiberman.
Dr. HokieKev: Nope. Again.
Me: If he picked Mike Huckabee, I am moving to Australia.
Dr. HokieKev: Nope, I will give you 40 guesses and you will never get it. Sara Palin.
Me: Who?

I think most of America echoed my response. I get it John McCain, I really do. You needed to prove to the conservative conservatives that you are, in fact, conservative. You needed to pick someone young because, lets face it, you aren't. And you, by all accounts, needed to pick a woman. I get it. You thought this woman thing would bring over all the Hilary voters. Do you think Hilary supporters are stupid? Do you think that all women are the same? Do you think this woman is anything like Hilary? Seriously, if people out there are thinking of switching their vote to John McCain simply because he picked a woman as his running mate then they need some serious help. I mean, if you like her politics, fine. But just because she is a woman, that is dumb. Really, really dumb.

I think it is really funny how McCain has been hyping up Obama as an inexperienced "celebrity" and then he goes and picks someone equally as inexperienced and who is fast becoming somewhat of a celebrity. Sara Palin...Really? I mean, yes she has executive experience. She was the mayor of a town with less than 9,000 people and is now the Governor of Alaska. Alaska? Really? Alaska has 670,053 people in it...Whoa, Dream Big! New York CITY has over 8 million people. In fact, 19 CITIES in the United States have more that 670,053 people in them. NINETEEN!!! Governing this city...er....state gives her foreign policy experience, commander in chief experience, experience dealing with the economic problems that face the country? Oh, I am sorry. She is the Commander in Chief of the Alaskan National Guard. I guess she also has experience with big oil. Isn't it funny how she is all for drilling in the wildlife refuge...isn't it also funny how her husband works for BP? I mean, its fine he picked someone outside of Washington who has little experience but at the same time he can't be hating on Obama for the same reasons. In all actuality, she could end up being the President. Let's remember that McCain is 72 and has had 4 bouts with cancer.

I guess she is pretty. John McCain does like to have pretty women around him- just look at his wife. And she did win Miss Congeniality in the Miss Wasilla Pageant in 1984. Too bad she couldn't convert that into Miss Alaska and had to settle for first runner up. She also has that whole good looking family thing going on. People like those good looking families. Ask Obama- he has one too. She also pulls in those social conservatives who were a little shaky on McCain and some of his more moderate leanings. We will see if they stick around after this whole teenage daughter getting pregnant thing. They probably will as the kid is keeping the baby and allegedly marrying the father. Hopefully, the poor girl isn't hurt too much by the media frenzy that brought the admission out in the first place.

This "scandal" is, in fact, what has increased Palin's celebrity. When the story broke that her 4 month son was really her 17 year old daughters and she was the grandmother and they were covering it up, I kind of laughed at the media for being so dumb. One, it is pretty rare for a young mother to have a baby with Down's Syndrome and two, even if it were true, its really none of my business. So the kid had a baby and the grandparents are raising it. Whatever. That is kinda the responsible thing to do. Dr. HokieKev thinks it would be just as bad as the whole John Edwards lovechild thing. I said that parents will do alot to protect their children and that this would be the responsible thing to do. Come to find out, the baby is hers but the 17 year old daughter is pregnant. I still say whatever. I mean, I guess that whole abstinence only education policy thing didn't work and maybe she will rethink her stance on it. If she is naive enough to think that teenagers aren't having sex (esp. in Alaska, I mean, what else is there to do), what else will she believe? But that alone is not what will make her a bad Vice President.

Nevermind the fact that she is anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-polar bear. Who needs equal rights anyway? And seriously, isn't everyone pro-life? I don't know anyone that wakes up in the morning and says "Oh, let's kill some babies today!" I do however know alot of people that don't feel it is the governments business to get involved in the affairs of a woman's uterus. And the poor polar bears- Palin is against putting them on the endangered species list because she believes it will harm the economy in Alaska. Poor polar bears.

I think she is also a bit shaky on the meaning of the First Amendment as she advocates the teaching of Creationism in public schools. Separation of Church and State is kind of important and is one of those things that distinguishes us from many other countries. People from many backgrounds and faiths attend public schools and it isn't fair to force one way of thinking upon them all. If parents want to teach Creationism to their children, fine. They can always send them to church, read them the Bible, or send them to a church based school. And if you decide you must teach Creationism in public schools, then I really think you have to teach all versions of it from all different backgrounds. I am sure science teachers would love that added obligation.

If the Republicans are going to have a shot in 60 days, she really needs to give that speech at the Republican Convention that has been cut short because of the Hurricane. She really needs to clear some of this stuff up. Not that it will matter much to me, but maybe it will give those people who are voting for her just because she is a woman something to really think about. I think in the end, I will be sitting here saying Really? The Governor of Alaska? Really?