Life Lesson #382: Never leave a bottle of wine in a hot car

Utah was more or less a "dry" state until the 2002 Olympics came around. Apparently, to secure the Olympic bid, the state had to agree to relax some of its stringent laws regarding the sale and consumption of alcohol. When the world did not end, the laws stayed in their more relaxed state. Compared to other states, however, the laws here are still a bit...discouraging.

Naturally, chain restaurants and other nice eating establishments have full bars. Could you honestly imagine Chilli's without its Presidente Margaritas? Or Olive Garden without wine in giant jugs? There are also bars...well, private clubs. Most of these clubs you have to pay a whopping fee of $3 a month to "join." This allows you unlimited guest privileges and the right to drink "real" alcohol during certain times, on certain days. These bars aren't allowed to open on Sundays, certain holidays, or state election days after 8pm. I get the first two, but the last one? Wouldn't you want people sober during the day while they are making their voting decision? What does it matter if someone is drinking during the live results show?

The bars here also all look shady and strip club like. Most of them have darkened or shaded windows and tall fences around their patios. I guess this allows people to hide their alcoholism better. The liquor store is the same way. The liquor stores here, much like in VA, are state run. However, VA ABC stores welcome you in with neon signs and see through glass. The stores here are very hidden. Like, go down the back alley way, take a left, enter the second turn, flash your lights three times and someone will be up to further direct you kind of hidden. These stores are also the only place you can buy liquor, wine, and beer with more than 3.2% alc/vol. They sell this 3.2% beer in grocery stores- normal beer is 4% alc/vol- I really don't know what is so wrong with that last .8% but whatever, beer is gross. So back to the liquor store.

I managed to find one the other day and buy a couple bottles of wine. One to drink, one to cook with. I was actually pretty amazed at their selection of wines and snobby beers. (I had to buy the Marsala by the gallon and it will take me a year to use it all but whatever.) So I buy my wine and proceed to run a few errands and go to a party. Fast forward to the next morning when I remember I forgot to grab the wine out of the car. So I go out the the car, grab the bag- which promptly breaks- and proceed to curse the wine gods. You see, my lovely bottle of Mount St. Michelle Reisling had decided to start the party without me and pop its own cork. Luckily, only a small amount of the sweet, grapey goodness had leaked out onto my car seat. Also luckily, the bottle was not broken, as was my first thought. The only thing I could figure was that some kind of chemical reaction took place inside the non-carbonated bottle of wine as it heated up which cause the cork to pop right out. I learned my lesson- never leave wine in a hot car.

This incident comes on the heels of another harrowing occurrence, making me think that the wine gods are totally against me for even attempting to consume the libation in Utah. You see, several years ago, Dr. HokieKev bought me the most beautimous Pottery Barn wine racks for my birthday. These wine racks must be bolted into the wall with these scary, medieval looking anchors. Because we had never owned a house, I never put them up because I knew once they were up they would be hard to get down. When we moved into this house, I decided they must find a place on the wall. The wall, however, is covered in travertine and we really didn't want to have to drill through it. Enter quick drying epoxy. Slap some of that stuff on the wall, mount the brackets, and set the shelves. This worked well, really well actually, for two weeks until Friday night. I am sitting in the basement, minding my own business, pondering the ages of the Chinese gymnasts and Dr. HokieKev was in a pretty deep sleep, when all of the sudden and out of nowhere comes an enormous crash from upstairs. I jumped up thinking that one of the pans I had just washed had somehow fallen off the counter onto the wood floors. I was dreading seeing the dent. So I rush up the stairs and look around. Nope, not the pan...the wine rack...and five bottles of liquidly substances. Luckily, only one bottle broke. Nevertheless, red wine was now soaking the floors and there were bits of glass everywhere (The floor survived pretty well- three tiny dents from tops of bottles but you really can't tell). By this point, Dr. HokieKev had rushed upstairs to see why I had vacated the room so quickly- apparently in his dreamstate, he had not heard the crash (but somehow my gasp at the top of the stairs had awoken him). I guess drilling through the travertine will just have to be done as, one way or another, that wine rack (newly repaired with some Gorilla Wood Glue) is going on that wall.

Overall, I think the universe is trying to tell me that drinking in Utah is not acceptable. I think I will win this one though, as the wine rack has been repaired, grout anchors have been purchased (to try one last time to spare the tiles), and that bottle of Reisling made a perfect addition to my pizza and cheesy bread dinner.